I cringe whenever I read the Joro posts about girls wanting to destroy homes by sleeping with married men. I don’t cringe because I judge them, I cringe because I know them, I was them.
I was married to a man I believed was the love of my life. I had not known anyone until him and he was my be all, do all. Although I had a pretty good life outside of him, he made it all better, at least in my opinion. Our marriage started off lovely although there were the usual fights, the usual scolding and bickering, then he did it, one day it was a slap, the next day it was a punch and the day after it was no lights, plain darkness and my 4 year old’s cries. I woke up to a pool of my own blood with my little one crying next to me. I looked at the clock and by my calculations, this man had been gone for nearly 8 hours in which time my son had not eaten.
I staggered toward the kitchen and all I could manage was butter on a slice of bread for my baby. I called my sister who took one look at me and burst out in tears, I would later find out that I looked like a lorry had gone over me. My child had to stay with my sister’s family for 6 months so as to rehabilitate, me on the other hand, I got my own place and slowly started to heal.
A year or two after, I got my life together and I was doing ok by all standards. My career was thriving and I was in a good place mentally. Then, I met this man. My type: tall, dark and handsome. Only thing was, he was married but we got talking, realised we had a lot in common, night caps turned to sleep overs and you know how that goes.
Eventually, he would leave me like they always do and I met another man, also married but that did not stop our rendesvous and of course, he spoilt me silly. This became a trend and as much as it was easier to stomach, I was not fulfilled. I am young, beautiful and the idea of starting over married has always appealed to me.
At church on Sunday, the pastor spoke about how we sometimes need to get out of our own way. It suddenly hit me that I wasn’t going to fulfil marital destiny living like I was. It has its perks, trust me it truly does. But nothing beats that void you feel when you’re by yourself in the comfort of your own silence. I realised that I was doing the very thing other women had done to me in my marriage but was my pain enough to inflict pain on others?
I had to do a self-check and I realised that I needed to make changes and perhaps I wasn’t doing as well as I thought I was.
I have since thrown myself into active volunteering and have now vowed to never date a married man.
My own will come in due time, i’m assured of that and even if he doesn’t I can sleep peacefully at night knowing i’m not the reason a woman somewhere is crying herself to sleep because heaven knows, God hears the cries of a wounded woman.
Thank you for encouraging us daily, Flourish. I thought to share my truth in case anyone out there might learn a thing or two from it.
I am stepping out of my own way, it’s official. I choose to flourish.