“Enough is enough,” I gently chided myself one day. I was in over my head with the need to get people’s approval or validation on how to live my life. What was I thinking, giving others such power over me? It wasn’t doing me any good, but on the contrary, it kept plaguing me, and I had had enough. I took to my phone and wrote, “There are some ties that need to be severed. #selflovemodeactivated”.
Doing that made it seem more real because that was no longer me trying to convince myself but acting on it. That update was the scissors I needed to sever ties to all the unhealthy people-pleasing attitude I exhibited. I stopped caring about what other people thought and cared more about my own opinions.
I was no more kissing up to others behind, doting unnecessarily on them, or waiting for their approval. It didn’t matter what they thought of me. They were entitled to their opinions as I was, mine. I decided to stop existing and start living, doing things I wanted and how I wanted them done. I took responsibility for my life and chose to live to my potential. I was done with unsolicited opinions, and you should be too.
Life is way too short to waste on frivolities. Let people like and love you for you and nothing more. You don’t have to pretend to be what you are not because you want to blend in and fit in with the crowd. You lose your originality and the essence of who you are at some point.
No matter what you do or how much of yourself you give out, people will think what they want. So, why stress it? You have to realize that whatever others think of you are not facts but just their view of you. What matters is what you feel about yourself.
Live life to impress yourself and not others. To be candid, you don’t even get or feel much satisfaction in becoming someone you are not just because the world wants you to be like that. The most authentic joy and the most incredible feeling of happiness comes from being you and finding people who love and accept you for that. You save yourself so much stress and headache when you stop trying your hardest to fit into where you do not belong.
Remember, a round peg can never fit into a square hole. Like everyone else, you have a right to refuse other people if it isn’t convenient for you. You can’t say “Yes” to others while saying “No” to yourself. How long are you going to do that? You risk turning into a bitter and insufferable person in the long run because one day, you realize you just can’t anymore. You would hate yourself for trying to suck up to others in the first place, and you would detest others because of how you were with them.
You have a mind of your own and a right to your own opinions and decisions. Choose to invest your time, energy, and resources while rebranding yourself. If you are uncomfortable with your position in life or the social hierarchy, get your behind up, shove off the pity cloak, and do something about it. It’s not too late to start over.
You are full of potential, and you can do this. You don’t need the validation of others to feel good about yourself. You are incredible and intelligent and don’t need to worry about how others see you. The important thing is how you see yourself.
Stop feeling it is your responsibility to make others happy. You can’t make everyone happy. Remember that you only have control over your emotions, feelings and reactions and not over others. They would be happy if they chose to be happy regardless of whether you had anything to do with it or not.
It is your responsibility to make yourself happy. If you are happy, you would better be able to spread true love and sunshine to others against feigning happiness and dying on the inside. Have clear communication skills. Give a firm “yes” when you mean it and a firm “no” when you mean it. Do not say yes to something while your body, heart and soul scream a significant “no” within you.
It’s very okay to say “no” and genuinely mean it. It gives you a firm stand and indirectly conveys that nobody can manipulate you. Do not try to defend the “no” you give to others. It only opens room for negotiations, and chances are you may give in to the persuasive argument of others, and then you find yourself doing something that doesn’t make you happy or that frustrates you. Say “no” in a polite way that feels good to you. For example, you could say, “I would love to help, but unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to.” Stop there. Do not defend it.
Don’t be a pushover. Being a people pleaser makes you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. It gives people room to take advantage of you, which is unacceptable. Let people see your true worth and potential and value you for it.