So, one day, Tochi stormed into her bathroom looked herself in the mirror and scolded herself sternly.

“Okay…..So it’s enough, don’t you think?” She said to herself. “All the people pleasing, seeking people’s approval, living up to the expectations of others…….it’s enough. I mean, let’s get real here. How has all or any of this helped you?” She continued to gently chide herself

“Trust me, it does not do you any good. I am my person and the boss of me. I love me for me and I am absolutely beautiful, amazing and adorable. I see myself now for who I really am and I am filled with gratitude to God for the gift of my being”.

“Enough!” she continued, “It ends now. No more kissing up to people’s behind or doting unnecessarily on them or waiting for their approval to live my life. Uh Uh! I have had enough of that. Yes, I am child-like.  Yes, I am reserved. Yes, I could be sometimes weird but all of this put together makes me a super fun and awesome me. There is no one like me on this earth and there will never be”.

“I need to be me and leave my marks on the sands of time. I need to rise up to my own expectations and live up to my potentials. I am gifted and talented in more ways than one. I have so much to offer and it’s high time I started living this happy life. Now, you may think me conceited, right? Not at all, dearie. I am just done with all of it”.

So she took to her BBM and updated my status, “There are some ties that just need to be severed. #selflovemodeactivated”. Doing that made it seem more real because that was no longer her trying to convince herself but acting on it. That update made her feel she no longer gave a hoot about what others thought of her and truthfully, she no longer did.

All of this she came to realize one beautiful day when she suddenly felt tired of everything.

Why waste precious time been a people pleaser? Someone once said, “There comes a point when you have to realize you’ll never be good enough for some people. The question is, is that your problem or theirs?” It never ends…the people pleasing I mean.

No matter how much you try to be the best of you for someone else, they are just never satisfied. So why bother? Sometimes, people are just “unpleasable”, if I may coin out such a word. Life is way too short to waste on frivolities. Let people like and love you for you and that is it. You don’t have to pretend to be what you are not just because you want to blend in and fit in with the crowd. No! Be you.

Anne Hathaway said, “There is something very addictive about people pleasing. It is a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate”. At some point, you just lose your originality; you lose a sense of who you are, all because you have tried so hard to be who you are not with the aim of blending in.

Dear woman, just take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You are amazing. You are incredible. You are beautiful. You are enchanting. You are breathtaking. You are dazzling. You are enough. YOU ARE YOU.

For you to genuinely love others, you just have to love yourself first. You can’t give what you do not have. Even the good book tells us to “Love our neighbours as ourselves”. If you do not love yourself, how do you intend to love others? “Charity begins at home”, so the saying goes.

True love begins with you. Play the lead role in the movie of your life and do not be a side character or an understudy. It is your life for crying out loud. You should be the star in it.


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