Are you a good friend? Ok…let me rephrase…Are you a great friend?

How big is your circle of friends? By friends, I don’t mean acquaintances, colleagues and the likes? I mean true friends…people you can comfortably confide in and want around you both in good and bad times? If you can count up to 5 trusted and true friends, you are one of the rare lucky ones.

Have you noticed that the older you get, the smaller your circle of true friends? Aside from the fact that life happens and people drift apart obviously getting more involved in their lives, it is also very hard to come by good friends these days.

Often times, the good ones we have in our childhood may have relocated due to marriage, career etc although some may still be available but you may not be top priority anymore. Family comes first.

Anyways, finding good friends in this adulthood is not as easy as it was when we were kids. As grown-ups, we have all come to identify with our personalities and true characters and sometimes we may not just be able to accommodate some traits of people and as we strike names of these people off our list, our circle grows smaller.

One of such traits that is among the top killers of friendship is selfishness. So many people are selfish without even knowing that they are selfish. Are you one of such? Let’s find out:

  • Only reach out when in need

You just go through life without really having much thoughts of others. However, the moment you need something, you suddenly remember one of those “friends” who can help and you give them a call. Not because you are really calling to reconnect but more because you need something. How unfair is this? If this is you, then you are the selfish friend. If it’s from others, you are bound to notice and may become resentful.

  • You don’t just check-in

Perhaps you don’t have time or you are really so busy that you often forget to reach out and check in on those people you call “friends” but sometimes it just comes down to not really caring about them. Good…Great friends always make out time to check in on themselves. If not all the time but often so they  don’t lose touch.

  • You take charge of the conversations

Everything – talk, events, outings etc, is always about you. You are not always going to be the star in the show. Life definitely exists outside you so don’t expect your friends to always want to talk about you or things relating to you. Let others enjoy the spotlight too. Show that genuine concern for your friends and let the conversation even out. Sincerely wait for the response to that question, “How are you?” No one made you the boss. Stop dominating the conversation.

  • It’s more what you get and less what you give.

Do you find that you are super focused on always “getting” “getting” “getting” and not really doing the “giving” “giving” “giving”? Be it money, talent, time, if you are more on the receiving end, you need to re-evaluate yourself in that friendship.

  • Your problem is for everyone. Their problem is for them.

When you are in a difficult situation, everyone rallies around you, trying to make you feel better, get a solution and eager for that smile to return to your face. However when others are in distress, you are suddenly MIA – missing-in-action. The excuse of “no time” is so last 100 seasons. If you care, you would make out that time to be there for them.

  • The boss of all

Do your conversations with your friends always end with you having the final say? It has to be the event you say. It has to be the party you choose. It has to be the outfit you pick. When your friends choose to go with other plans, you begin to sulk and let your feelings get in the way. If this is you or any of your friends, this is a problem that needs to be addressed.

  • Miss out on major events

If you find yourself too busy, too lazy or too nonchalant to attend major events of your friends, you are definitely a selfish one, especially when you have no genuine reasons.

Great friends add and receive great value from each other.

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