A MOTHER’S LOVE: ARE YOU A DOMINEERING MUM?
The world is changing……People are developing, technology is evolving. Nothing is stagnant. In fact, the world is moving at such a fast pace that we have to be careful not to get caught up in its twirls.
Gone are those days when parents are dictators and have their children do their every bidding. C. JoyBell C. said, “I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”
You are living your life and in the process, making memories and building experiences. Despite your good intention of wanting to prevent your child/children from some hurts, you may have experienced in the past, do you actually deprive them from fully living their lives?
They have to make their own mistakes and learn from it. The sad truth is you cannot protect them from everything. They have to find their own path and this they can do if only you let them be. Provide the necessary and relevant guidance but do not be an overbearing mum who dictates their every move.
Your kids are stronger than you think.
There is nothing out there in the world that they cannot handle. They are an absolute delight but aren’t perfect. No one is. Stop being scared of allowing them to make their own mistakes. Don’t let them cower behind the shadows of others and their mistakes.
Who knows? Perhaps they would act differently if put in that situation you are so scared of. Mike Norton said, “Fall. Stand. Learn. Adapt”. Just as you are your own person and your life will not be interesting without your own stories of how you fell and rose again; of mistakes you made and learnt from, they too have to live their lives and create their own stories.
Sure, it is not a perfect world and mistakes help one become a better person.
Imagine this scenario:
They gather their own children around one day and tell them, “Life is full of so many mysteries…so many ups and downs. My father, your grandfather had this awful experience once when he went looking for a job in a law firm. My mother, your grandmother once told me about her experience of true love with your grandfather……”
These are your kids sharing your stories because they may not have their own to share – you dictated for them every step of the way.
It’s cool your kids would be able to share your stories but what about their own? If they are asked, “Mum, how did you end up as an accountant in this audit firm?” “Mum, tell us about how you felt when you first met dad”, what would their response be?
Let’s see how the stuttering would start….
Perhaps they clear their throats first and then begin, “Well, I was pretty good at Math while in college. My parents thought I would make a good accountant and so I decided to go with what they chose for me. Deep within me though, I had always loved drawing and wanted to be an Architect”. “So why didn’t you follow your heart’s desire?” they may press on and you would most likely reply, “I didn’t want to disobey my parents and lose our family”.
Great! Awesome! You have made them play the role of a martyr and sacrificed what would have been a great and incredible life, they would have absolutely enjoyed, for one of mediocrity. Now the regrets come in.
Allow them to live. Let them experience the heartbreaks, job rejection, friend’s betrayal, failing and succeeding etc. You may just be surprised how awesome they would turn out to be.
PHOTO CREDIT: The MGTOW Diaries – WordPress.com