9 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE COMMITTING TO A RELATIONSHIP
A relationship is like a business partnership. The two parties can either mutually benefit or both lose depending on how well they both handle the commitment. For a business, a business plan would have been drawn up and both parties would have met on several occasions to discuss the terms of their partnership with both parties going back and forth trying to decide whether the terms work for them depending on what it is they are looking to achieve from this partnership. In the same vein, when entering into a relationship, many casually sit at the table with no idea what it is they would require from the commitment of the other party. To build a successful relationship, both parties must know pre-relationship what it is they really want and need from it.
To assist you, we’ve come up with a few questions that you should have answers to before choosing to commit.
We’ve narrowed it down to 9 questions to guide you:
1. How well do I know Him?
Don’t trust someone until you know them. The knowledge of a person is as deep as having your instincts connecting to theirs well enough that you can pre-empt them in certain situations. You’ll also have an idea what they’re truly capable of. Anyone can pretend to be anyone. To best know them, study what they’re like in their natural environments eg around family, friends, the things they say passively and how they treat people that they do not need. Observe, Observe, Observe.
“What kind of family does he/she come from? That was their foundation and upbringing until they left home. No matter how far we travel, those development years left a huge impression on who we are, and who we’re likely to resort back to when we’re older.”
2. Can I trust them with my secrets?
If they share your private conversations with others, walk away or have a serious discussion about that issue. If you don’t take care of it now, you’ll only resent them later.
3. Can I enjoy his company even in the silence?
If they can’t enjoy the silence with you and you need some form of activity to be ongoing to have a good time with them then it might be evidence that there’s a lot going on inside them and they need the noise for distraction. Or maybe all the bond you have is based on those activities that you both partake in.
4. Will this person change me for the better?
You become the sum total of the people you spend the most time with. You will spend a large quantity of your time with the person you date and then eventually marry, so this needs to be at the back of your mind when looking to build a relationship with a prospective gentleman. Remember that you will marry a person you date. So ask this question early.
5. Am I attracted to their heart and character?
Physical attraction is key, however, the heart and character of a person are the very core of what they’re made up of. You need to check that his heart and character are in line with everything you stand for and value. Besides being good to you, is he a good man?
6. Does he/she appreciate me for who I am right now?
If they’re trying to change you, they’re not ready for a relationship. Plain and simple. The most mature, loving people I’ve ever encountered loved me for just who I was. The only time they called me out is when they knew I was knowingly or unknowingly about to hurt myself or others, and they were protecting me.
They might challenge you, which is a very good thing. But that is very different than someone trying to change you. Beware not to confuse these tw
7. How does he/she already treat people they love most?
I don’t mean during holidays or time spent after long periods apart, but every day. This will require spending a lot of time together with their families. If that’s impossible, don’t forget that this side of them, who they truly are, is a side you haven’t been exposed to yet.
I’ve met plenty of people who told me that their partners or spouses completely changed when they were back in the comforts and security of their families.
8. Does he/she strive to place my desires and needs first?
I understand the importance of giving and receiving. But if the person you’re with has the attitude of, “My desires are above yours,” they’re not ready for a relationship. They still have some growing up to do.
I’ve met plenty of people who believe the world revolves around them, rather than embracing the simple truth that we are all part of a universe.
We are a part of the human community within a universe. That universe nor its members are here to grant us our dreams and wishes. Until we realize this, we will live very selfishly and never understand what it will take to nurture and grow healthy relationships.
Clear warning signs: Temper tantrums, outbursts of anger, control issues and their believing you should read their minds to know their wants and desires without having to communicate them to you.
9. Are their hopes and dreams for the future compatible with yours?
Do they want a partnership where both are working in the corporate world or a traditional role where one partner stays home? Do they know where they’d like to settle? How does that tie in to your future plans? Because it is also important that your future doesn’t take a back seat should you marry this person or you will grow to resent them.
Though it’s important to remind ourselves that our desires and interests change as we grow older, it’s still important to discuss these issues.
Are there many more questions you never asked your partner that came back to bite you in the end? Do feel free to share in the comment box below.