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RELATIONSHIPS: DO YOU FIND VALIDATION NECESSARY BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER?

Very recently, I came across someone’s status on Whatsapp that said, “Adulthood is just a scam!” and I am inclined to agree. At this stage of our adult lives, we are supposed to love freely without the need for approval or validation from others to be happy, right?

So why then do we enjoy that warm cosy feeling when we get validated by that “one special one”?

We live in a world where everyone needs each other to survive, after all, no man is an island. However, the world has gone and is still going through series of evolution where things that used to be in vogue have now become ancient history, paving way for newness.

Those days, people were very much concerned about what the world thought about them and this made them dependent on the approval of others for their own happiness but that turned out to be a recipe for disaster. This is because the world is a selfish place and doesn’t care about who is happy or not. Hence, the need for a rethink and re-ordering of our steps.

In the present day, everyone is after their own individual happiness as they diss the habit of seeking approval or validation from others in other to be truly happy. This is great because, in truth, we each are responsible for our own happiness.

In a loving and doting relationship between two people crazily in love, would validation be wrong?

Most times, we all want to be loved and truly understood for who we are and when we find that special someone who seems to actually “get” us, we very often feel drawn to such person and even develop a true affinity for that person.

Isn’t this the same feeling that validation gives?

Founder of the Maitre D’ate agency, Ariadna Peretz, says validation is a vital part of relationship building.

“When our significant other accept our feelings and/or thoughts, we feel validated, accepted and understood. It emboldens us and makes us feel like we’re not alone in the world. This connection is very important for a relationship to thrive. In a relationship, you depend on each other to build yourselves up, and validation helps create that bond”, she explains.

Validation doesn’t mean been dominated or subdued by others. It is not about 100% dependency on what others think about you or your decisions. Of course, you should have a mind of your own to think and decide for yourself. You should be able to take a stand for what you believe in. You have to take charge of your life.

Nevertheless, those times when someone takes out time to understand and appreciate you/your thoughts, to show you how much you are loved, seen and heard, is one of the healthiest emotional enhancers and self-worth boosters.

This is not to say there wouldn’t be times when there would be disagreements. It is not even to say your partner or special one would validate you at all times. No! This is not even healthy for relationships.

However, creating that balance and not expecting to be validated 100% of the time, is sure to give you both your personal spaces to develop individually before trying to develop together as a couple.

PHOTO CREDIT: Stocksy United




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