HOW I CARED FOR A FRIEND WHO HAD A MISCARRIAGE
She lay there on the vibrant red floral patterned rug looking dejected, I was hoping she would tell me that everything was alright but something deep within me knew that my mind was only eager to be fed with a lie, she had sounded frantic on the phone. There was no way she could have been fine. Her ever glowing skin looked pale and her eyes were blood-shot. I walked into the room with shaky feet not knowing what my next reaction would be.
I recoiled on the rug by her side. “What happened?” I asked.
“I lost it.” She said softly in between sniffles with her hands gently tapping her tummy.
I stayed throughout the day with her trying to console her but did not know the right words to say or thing to do but deep in my heart, it was clear that all I wanted to do was ease her pain and sorrow. She is not the only woman who has found herself in the same situation. A lot of women have experienced this including celebrities; Beyoncé Knowles, Giuliana Rancic, Wendy Williams, Nicole Kidman, Lily Allen, Mariah Carey, Pink and Gwyneth Paltrow. These are women who have been outspoken about this event of their lives in a bid to give support and comfort to other women going through this painful experience. Miscarriage comes with physical and emotional pain that takes a long time to heal. Even after the birth of subsequent babies, women never forget that pregnancy that was miscarried.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, 40% of women who have had a miscarriage tend to feel a deep sense of loneliness in the aftermath. Sometimes, it is talked about in hushed whispers or may never be talked about.
If you were ever like me who was at a loss on how to be supportive at the time, then you are reading the right article. Endeavour to be present with her. Your presence will help to make her feel less lonely, assist to babysit her older kids especially if there is no one to do it. Communicate to her that you know how she feels and care for her physically and through phone.
Refrain from offering your opinions and focus on listening more, create room for her to share her heartfelt feelings. Be observant to notice her needs.
Enquire to know if she is still cramping or bleeding, you might just be the guardian angel she has been waiting for to offer her a ride to the clinic. Pay attention to her needs and show up to help.