LET’S QUIT GLORIFYING SUFFERING IN RELATIONSHIPS
“Nitori omo O jiya, Ni le oko Mama mi ko roju ri”
These lyrics are unfortunately true and a lot more the norm with many mothers. The “I’m staying because of my kids” narrative has many mothers bitter in old age. Days wasted by evil. People, don’t waste your life for anyone. – Tunji Andrews
This not only rings true for marriages. It is the reality in many relationships as well. The idea that you are to stay with someone who puts you through hell and back is being glorified even in this era so much that it almost has one convinced that the very definition of love itself is pain and suffering especially when it is being inflicted repeatedly by your partner.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
American singer and song-writer also recently came out against the concept of allowing several hurtful situations in a relationship especially where infidelity is concerned. As women, too often, we allow ourselves to become slaves to relationships and even friendships that do nothing but drain us and inflict on our joy. I like the bible verse above which talks about love and what it is. From this, it is very easy to deduce what love is not.
If you’re not being served a good meal, it might be time take your leave from the table
Even as single ladies looking to veer into marriage; it is equally important to ensure that the partner you’re looking to do life with, has your emotional, physical and mental stability and well-being as a focus in the way they choose to love you. Disrespect, Infidelity (no matter how you choose to look at it and argue that men can’t help themselves), emotional abuse, verbal abuse will all take their toll on you. Too many women are bitter as a result of repeated abuse in their relationships. They no longer see themselves in the light that God created them to begin with. You don’t want to make that same mistake.
Don’t get me wrong, there is such a thing as healthy compromise which we all make occasionally to the benefit of our partners and spouses. I’d like to however lay emphasis on ‘healthy’ here. An example could be in the way your children are raised: Maybe you want your child to only own a phone at 13 and your partner would rather they own a phone at 16, at the end of the day, you compromise for somewhere in the middle like 14.
Another example could be in your love languages: you’re a giver and you appreciate gifting; he on the other hand, couldn’t be romantic to save his life, so he struggles with gifting but would rather express his love in other ways. You two would have to come to a middle ground and he could perhaps gift on anniversaries and important dates while you take into consideration all the other ways in which he is able to express his love.
Compromise is not in accepting that your partner hits you occasionally when he is stressed out at work. It is not in knowing that every time he has a ‘late meeting’, he is actually in another woman’s arms. That is not healthy compromise.
This piece urges that we all learn the difference and are able to see where staying in a relationship isn’t in our best interest for our growth and mental stability. You deserve the absolute best, let no one tell you otherwise.