I nearly lost my cool today until a friend went: “But you don’t know if she meant it that way”. That made me pause; despite still visibly seething with anger.

You see emotional intelligence is an actual thing. You can’t possibly move ahead or advance forward if you’re not in control of your emotions. People have missed opportunities, lost promotion possobilities, lost jobs and even careers due to their inability to keep their emotions in check.

Today, I learnt that it isn’t always about me.

As warm-headed as I like to believe I am. I think we’re all vain to an extent. We don’t love to have our feelings and beliefs ignored or dismissed. We want to be heard, seen and felt. When we feel like we aren’t, we have a natural tendency to push back. But, ask yourself, when last did I sit back and take a look at the other party from an outsider’s perspective.

I’m going through so much. She’s my friend but she wouldn’t be there for me.

What if this friend were going through an emotional roller coaster of her own? What if she just couldn’t fill your cup because hers was empty? What if she needed to take some time away to refill?

I believe in the power of conversation and pause.

Yes, you heard right. Conversation and pause means you don’t get to draw conclusions from assumptions unilaterally made by one party. People, especially us women, do not like to talk; we call it ‘being confrontational’. If being confrontational is what will get you the peace you need then by all means. However, the term, ‘confrontation’ has such an unfair aggressive undertone I don’t quite like. Let’s call it: Conversation instead. It means you speak and they speak. It means you hear and they hear.

You won’t always get the results you’re hoping to get. Sometimes, the other party was just being selfish or unfair and there’s no other way to put it nicely but then at least, you would have operated from a standpoint of maturity and self respect.

The less you take personally, the more you’ll find that you’re able to get more things done. This might sound bad, but the most successful in business are the most unemotional, that’s why they’re called ‘shrewd’. Let that sink in.

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  1. Monica

    Knowing when to say stop is quite a good topic.people need to love with their heart not head so they can reason in their brain if the relationship is meant for him/ her as abuse could be on either side and different forms.We need to educate the younger ones on why d relationship should be built on a Christian foundation.

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