Somewhere in the Southern part of Nigeria in Africa, as the evening approaches in June, there is a rumbling of clouds, a whistle of the whirl wind and an eventual rain. A precipitation that outpours, washing away the earth clogs, burrowing deep into the ground till all that left is a hollow on the previously sand-filled land. That is an exact description of what guilt does to a woman. It takes away her entire essence and leaves her with no self-worth.

A large number of women are deep into destructive emotional agony as a result of guilt. It comes in various shades and sizes. It is alright to feel guilty sometimes as it shows why we are human and proves a point that our conscience is ripped open. Guilt helps one to make amends and re-adjustment but when it lingers for a longer time, it is self-destructive.

Women feel guilt a whole lot more than their male counterparts. Women and girls have been socialized for thousands of years to get along with others, not hurting anybody’s feelings, and taking care of loved ones. In many (but not all) families, women take more responsibility for staying in touch with relatives and friends, keeping up with everybody’s schedules, and keeping the household functioning effectively.

A woman’s feeling of guilt could be as a result of the loss of a pregnancy, infidelity, wanting more kids, being the age you are, giving priority to your business or career, taking advantages of opportunities when they present themselves, personal success, perhaps an abortion, or probably not wanting to have sex.

No one still wears the bourgeois’s ready-made frocks and crinolines of the nineteenth century because it looked pretty then, people and things are moving on  and so do you. You need to know that you have got one life and if you want forgiveness, you need to forgive you.


“When you are guilty, it is not your sins you hate but yourself.” ― Anthony de Mello

It is going to be a gradual thing but these tips could lead you to that guilt-free state:


Trace the dots

Why do you feel this way? Why cant you forgive yourself? Why do these thoughts keep recurring? These are questions that you should ask yourself, jot them down and get your answers. Then resolve not to punish yourself anymore with the feeling of guilt.


X-ray the emotions underneath the guilt

What other emotions causes an upsurge in you apart from the guilt. Could it be anger, resentment, shame or  a feeling of intimidation? Ensure to resolve this inner conflict as they tend to fuel your feeling of guilt.


Connecting the physical to the spiritual

There is a higher power and that’s God. Long hours of work out session and Abs development can not  make you some sort of saviour. You need him to free you of all your guilt, talk to him in prayers even no one would understand you.


Realize it’s ok to take care of your own needs

Some of us were the family peacemakers who took care of others all the time. Perhaps you had an alcoholic parent who was incapable of taking proper care of you. As an adult, you may still silence your own needs or feel they are less valid than those of your partner, child, or friend. But you don’t have to let this reaction to slide  trauma  into your relationships in the present.

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