LESSONS FROM MY DIVORCE
I have always hated the word ‘Failure’ from back in my school days when it determined how enjoyable or gloomy my holiday was going to be, therefore I was so desperate to keep my marriage even when my mind told me otherwise.
Hmmm! Twenty years and some, I discovered that….
Not every good man is my man
I once met this nice man who didn’t womanize, drink excessively, smoke, he told the truth always, (even when he could have made it sound less brash), however his life lacked so much structure that I was so perplexed at how ignorant this grown, educated man can be. He didn’t believe in providing food, shelter or security for a woman. Haba! This good man was not my man o.
Marry for the right reasons
Marriage is not a getaway ticket from poverty, social status, competition among friends, need for accommodation or financial gains. It is about marrying who you desire to spend the rest of your life with irrespective of wealth, popularity or fame. Marriage is about friendship and companionship. Someone that gets my jokes, doesn’t take me too serious and understand my pains and can share my success without feeling intimidated.
Marry your number One cheer leader
‘A Kingdom divided cannot stand’. My ex desired that I see him as master and did everything to make sure I didn’t grow or achieve anything tangible. At the end of the marriage he was in financial distress and I wasn’t equipped to assist him, and where I tried to use some of my parent’s contact to get him a job, he said he’d rather die that take help from a female.
Where one body fights itself it only causes cancer!
Know who you are
I was so young and saw myself through my husband’s eye, I wanted him to make me his master piece, I wanted him to complete him, he was my role model and all my world revolved around him.
Of course, when he insulted me by bringing his many immoral relationships around me without caring how I felt, my world crumbled before my own eyes.
I had to grow up to like me! Yes, I am strong, I can do whatever I put my mind to, I am not a push over and above all, a gift to anyone who I let into my life.
Know your deal breakers and don’t comprise
Women are gifted with intuitive minds, so I can’t say I didn’t see warning signs before signing the dotted line from our two years of dating, but I innocently believed I could change him from philandering by loving him for both us. Marriage is a case of ‘buy as is’ and accept the consequence. Indeed Leopards never change their spots.
Guard your home with all diligence
This one is major! I allowed them into my home, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and all the lly you can think of, they literally chased me off my matrimonial bed at some point.
The marital journey is between two individuals, every other party is a crowd that will derail its course and cause a ship wreck.
Divorce is not a threat
My ex would threaten me with Divorce at the slightest provocation and I been who I was would get so scared and this turned to real fear that changed my personality and destroyed myself worth.
It is important to note that there is no marriage exempted from tough times therefore divorce shouldn’t be the quick solution. I believe in the words of Robert H. Schuller that says ‘Tough times never last, tough people do.’