Glamour Women of the Year Awards, Arrivals, New York, USA – 13 Nov 2017


Golden Globe award-winning actress, Tracee Ellis Ross gave a word on the subject matter of being single and without kids while giving a speech at Glamour’s 2017 Women of the Year Summit.

The 45-year-old got real about the societal expectations imposed on women, specifically when asked presumptive questions about marriage and kids when you’ve lived life without either yet. And if it wasn’t clear before, Ross spoke a little louder for the people in the back. Being single and childless at 45 is not the bottom line when it comes to her worth or any woman’s worth:

“I dreamed about being chosen by a powerful, sexy, kind man who had full lips and gave good hugs and having a baby boy named Lauren. But…I also dreamed of winning an Oscar and being on the cover of magazines and making a difference in the world, helping women find our voices. And from that dreaming, I have built an incredible life. I have become a woman that I am proud to be.

“And then someone tells me about their friend who adopted a child at 52 and how … ‘it’s never too late for your life to have meaning’ …and my worth gets diminished as I am reminded that have ‘failed’ on the marriage and carriage counts. Me! This bold, liberated, independent woman.”

After listing her accomplishments, which include being fit, a hard worker, a good friend, a great daughter, having great credit, and even winning her Golden Globe, she said:

“I mean I’m killing it. So why? Why do I get snagged this way? As if all that I’ve done and everything I am doesn’t matter. And I look back and think about all the ways that we are told that those two hashtag goals, being chosen and having kids, are what makes you worthy.”

Ross then went on to describe the four-word mantra that ultimately liberated her from dated societal standards:

“My life is mine.

“Those words stopped me in my tracks. Those words brought tears to my eyes. Seems so obvious, but obviously it wasn’t. Because I have NOT been living my life as it was my own. I mean to a certain extent yes, but on a deep level, no. 

“So, if my life is actually mine…then I have to really live it for myself. I have to put myself first and not be looking for permission to do so.

When you choose yourself, you stop caring about whether or not you get “chosen.” And life opens up for that self-assured, new and improved beautiful magical brave you.

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